I just have to say. I know I’m in this photo, but I still can’t believe my mom carried all of us at the same time. And now we hear stories of moms having nine babies all at once and it just blows my mind! 

But our story isn’t just happenstance. It’s a miracle wrapped in faith, carried with diligence, and so much love. 

The day my mom found out she was having quadruplets (or really quintuplets but one of the babies miscarried early) was the day of the Oklahoma City Bombing—April 19, 1995. Not really a day you want to get the best news of your life on the worst day for so many other lives. And of course, there were the concerns of “how do I raise 4 children in this crazy, dangerous, ever-changing world?” that crossed their minds.

The providers taking care of my mom’s high-risk case pretty laid out some hard facts. The outcome was bleak. There was a one in a million shot we were all going to be born totally healthy and that she would be okay after the delivery too. They suggested selective reduction (another way of saying abortion) of two of the children to alleviate her risks. 

My parents didn’t really know what to do. They were first time parents, times four. Not the most ideal situation to make life and death decisions. But they prayed, and one weekend before church, they cried out to God asking what to do. 

They figured at that point that maybe the selective reduction would be the safest choice. They didn’t really want to attend church that weekend. They were filled with guilt over the mere thought of going through with this. And remember, my mom didn’t want to selectively reduce but felt like she had no choice in order to safely deliver a healthy pregnancy. But they resolved that they would go and sit in the back to remain unseen and then leave right after the service.

At that time, they were attending Grace Church in Tulsa led by Bob Yandian. During the worship service, Pastor Yandian stepped out on the stage and asked for everyone to get quiet because God had told him to say something that couldn’t wait. The room fell to complete silence. He then said, “There is a couple in here today making a choice that holds life and death. You know what to do. Choose life.”

They instantly knew that was a direct word to them from Heaven. They made the decision to go through with the pregnancy completely and trust that God would take care of everything.

After a lot of prayer and my dad making the right connections, phone calls, and not taking no for an answer, Dr. Haswell, one of the best high-risk delivery doctors in the region at that time, said he would take her case. In October, we were born two months premature, but healthy. We had to stay in the NICU for a little bit, but the delivery overall went as well as it could go considering the high-risk factor. After the delivery, my mom had to go into emergency surgeries to save her life.

Once she was out of the woods, there were four tiny babies waiting for her. Brian was born first. I was second. Tyler was third. C.J. was fourth. We were all born in the same minute—15 seconds apart. Needless to say, my mom and dad were done having children after that ordeal!

Several years later, Tyler was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and C.J. was diagnosed with moderate functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder. I’m not a huge fan of the “functionality” terminology, but this is the best way I can specify the condition at hand. 

We were all very close in our own way growing up and still are to this day in our own special ways. It’s been a very unique experience growing up alongside my brothers. That has shaped my perspective in so many ways and affects my advocacy to this day. 

In too many ways, I truly believe I have seen the purest example of God’s love lived out through Tyler and CJ. Sure, they have faced some huge obstacles through the years, but their hearts and resilience are unlike any I have known. And through that I have learned how to better react, respond, and grow my resilience out of whatever life throws at me. They taught me what it means to love, serve, and step out of myself so I can spend a moment in their shoes to better understand them. And that, of course, has deeply affected the way I empathize and sympathize with people. I wouldn’t be who I am or have this God-ordained purpose if it weren’t for them. I wouldn’t want it any other way. 

It’s not always a cake walk when you grow up with siblings or loved ones who live with disabilities. Yes, it is an incredible blessing, and insightful, and you will grow into one of the most understanding, gracious, and empathetic people and friends anyone could ever ask for. But people who don’t have loved ones in this demographic don’t understand what our loved ones go through or what we go through as families—the expenditures, the appointments, doctors, counselors, neurologists, psychiatrists, guardianships, court appointments, etc. It’s a long road for anyone who lives in this community and for the families and loved ones who support them. 

Knowing all of these things on top of what I have personally witnessed growing up alongside Tyler and CJ (discrimination, different treatments, bullying, patronization, etc.), I recognized from a young age something wasn’t right. It wasn’t until I grew older that I realized the need for upstanders and advocates for people in this community. 

A passion of mine is Best Buddies. This May, we had our first in person Friendship Walk for Best Buddies here in Oklahoma. People from all over Oklahoma came to support our mission. But what made this day and experience even more special was getting to do this with my family.

Getting to do this with my family (even more so with my brothers Tyler and CJ who are the heart, motivation, and purpose behind my mission for inclusion) was purely one of the most special experiences I could hope for. We had over 250-300 people attend and spread our message to even more people in this remarkable community that we so love.

This is what led me to all that I do now. Every partnership with a non-profit, event, meeting with someone who can impact and effect change—I do it to hopefully play some small part in cultivating a community, state, nation, and world where my brothers, my friends in this community, the 632,400 Oklahomans, and more than 65 million Americans can be and do everything they are and everything they hope to accomplish in their lives. We all deserve equal opportunities to grow and thrive. We all deserve authentic and personable connections with one another, because God didn’t make us to be alone. He made us to foster friendship and community. To be there for, love, and take care of our neighbor. This community—these millions of people—they’re my neighbors. I’m here on purpose to serve them in any way I can.

My sincere hope is that we can eventually reach a place within our communities, our state, this nation, and our world that there is no second guessing or questioning whether or not to include those within the special needs community. I want inclusion to be second nature for everyone. My hope is that we can build a society and culture where my brothers Tyler and CJ can be themselves to their fullest extent, do all they hope and dream to do, and that absolutely nothing stands in their way—not lack of accessibility, opportunity, education, training, etc.— from being all they are and reaching every goal they set for themselves. I want my brothers to be happy. I want them to live and experience life to its fullest. 

We can’t accomplish these things to their fullest extent until our world makes inclusive initiatives and actions a priority. 

One of my personal hopes and prayers right now is that the next step for my advocacy is being crowned Miss Oklahoma 2021. This would elevate a message that I’ve been sharing throughout our communities and our state to a national level. In this, I would not only get to promote the organization that God has strategically used to facilitate the growth and change that has happened in my life, I would also get to further this message that is needed at the heart of our world right now—the message of sincere and unifying inclusion. We need that now more than ever in the disability community and in everything we are doing to foster diversity. 

My ultimate goals in my advocacy are to attend law school and become an attorney specializing in a variation of law that can best serve the disability community and eventually run for office and use this platform to affect legislation for the disability demographic.

 

I love what I do. I get to promote, advocate, and lobby for holistic inclusion for people who live on this huge spectrum of different abilities. I get to foster connections with people, make new friends, and network with media, legislators, and state officials to promote this message. I get to do this. 

If you’re struggling today, I hope you know, you’re never unseen by God. He looked on my parents the day they stepped into that church and their lives were forever changed. And if you don’t know, God values your life so much too, that you’re here today because of someone saying “yes” to bringing you here and then pouring into you. Whoever those people are in your life, thank them deeply and thank God that you’re still here for a purpose.

For more information about Best Buddies, follow @bestbuddiesok and visit http://bestbuddies.org/oklahoma.