Twenty years ago we were getting ready to welcome our third son into our family. The days leading up to his arrival were filled with excitement and anticipation. We thought we were done having children but God had other plans for us. On the day of his arrival the excitement and joy quickly turned to surprise, sadness and fear. Fear of the future mainly. What had happened? Had we done something wrong? Not us!? 

We were good born again, Holy Spirit filled, tithing Christians and I worked at a local church. I thought I failed in some way. As the leader of the house, I must have done something wrong. I let the devil in somewhere. It had to be my fault. Bad things are not supposed to happen to good Christians, right?

Praise God for my wife Cris! The momma mode kicked in and she started doing what comes natural for moms. She researched what Down Syndrome was and reached out to several people involved in the Down Syndrome Association of Tulsa to learn about our upcoming journey. I unfortunately was stuck in “how do I (Dad) fix this” mode. I had taken our other boys to the emergency room a few times and could fix those things, but this was different. I was at a loss. What do I do? What does this mean? What about the future? 

I thought our future was done. Our journey was going to be difficult. What would people say? I had a million questions. I got very depressed.

Again, thank God for my wife and several friends who were there to help us get through those first few days.

Well, fast forward. After we found our way, it became clear that we wouldn’t have changed a thing. Ethan has enriched our lives more than we ever imagined. He has touched our family and friends in many ways. And he is just like his brothers in a lot of things. He goes to school, plays sports, has friends, and can be stubborn just like his brothers. He loves his nieces and nephews. They are buds with him and like to hang out in “Uncle E’s” room.

These first 20 years have not been without challenges, but we are excited and full of anticipation for what the future holds for Ethan and all of us as we continue our journey. Ethan is very talented in art and loves babies. He competes in Special Olympics and plays in a basketball league. Normal kid stuff!

All kids need dads and moms. I like the term “differently abled” instead of special needs. Yes, our son is special, but not any less or more than our other children. The journey is both different and the same. Raising kids is challenging no matter what their “needs.”

I could not have done it without Jesus! He listened to my sadness, my anger, and my frustration, but was always faithful to bring peace to a troubled heart. As Christians, we pray for all of our kids. The prayers might be a little different for a special needs child, but they still need our prayers, love and guidance.

There are so many scriptures I have stood upon, but there are a few that helped me through those first few weeks after Ethan was born.

“The Lord will perfect (accomplish) that which concerns me.” (Psalm 138:8)

“Behold, children are a heritage and gift from the Lord. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of ones youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is filled with them.” (Psalm 127:3-5)

“Many hardships and circumstances confront the righteous, But the Lord rescues (delivers) him from them all.” (Psalm 34:19)

Jesus never said that we would not have trouble in this natural life, but he did say he would be with us and make a way when there seems to be no way.

He is Faithful.

I would say to another dad of a newly diagnosed child, hang in there! Don’t isolate yourself. Seek out other parents that have gone through something similar. Your child needs you more than you know. You may not be able to “fix it” but you can handle it. Enjoy the journey. Get knowledge about your child’s needs but be careful to stay away from negative talk and opinions. Each child is different. Your child loves you and God loves you! You can do it with Gods help, one step at a time.